What Writers Can Learn From a Deranged Four Year Old.

When we write a novel or a screenplay we are basically imagining things. I know that a very basic statement, but I feel this is often forgotten when our brains are so consumed with other things that aren’t creating: grammar, craft, and the worry of reviews that don’t yet exist.

Not only are these things not imagining, they take away from our ability to fully immerse ourselves in the world of our characters, and, instead of experiencing their emotions, our own fears and doubts creep in. This leaves us with one foot in our world and one in the world we are trying to call into existence when we should leap into our worlds with both feet.

I’ve brought a very special teacher here today to assist you with this problem. I would guess he’s about four years old and maybe a little deranged. His name is Tom. I know this because I heard his mother say, “Tom, stay where I can see you.” She’s said this about eight times because Tom keeps easing away from her.

You see, Tom seeks adventure. He’s tired of this mundane world where his mother sits with her friends on a coffee shop patio, and her friend’s comment about how cute he is and ask him stupid questions. “Tom, did you like that shirt I got for your birthday.”

It’s clear from Tom’s face he has no idea what shirt the woman is talking about. In fact, I get the distinct impression that if you wanted Tom to regard the gift of a shirt with anything other than indifference it would have to be made of chainmail. He gives her a nod to appease her.

Tom turns his back to the table of ladies, and they disappear. The whole boring world disappears and is replaced by another, a world that is filled with monsters and Tom is going to kill them all with his sword.

Okay, he doesn’t really have a sword. It’s a stick he’s picked up off the ground. Still, one has to respect how much young Tom has committed to his role of Tom, the Destroyer of Monsters.

He flails around with a violence and passion that has caused many of my fellow coffee shop patrons to lean away from him. The boy is not some dainty fencer. He is a deranged berserker, powered by an extreme hatred for monsters. I don’t know what got Tom into killing monsters, but, from the looks of him, it seems personal.

As I wait for the stick to fly from Tom’s hand and embed itself in some unsuspecting coffee-drinker’s eye, I hear Tom mumble as he slays, and I realize Tom is not fighting monsters alone. He has a partner in his war on monster kind. Twist! It’s a good monster, and these two have each other’s back. If a monster tries to sneak up on Tom, the good monster leaps to his aid and scratches out the bad monsters’ eyes. If the bad monsters team up on the good monster, Tom rushes to his side and chops off all of their ‘dirty monster heads’.

I’m curious how this alliance formed. What turned Tom’s monster against his own kind? Why do this Berserker and Monster trust each other so unconditionally? Are they the only thing keeping each other alive or are they truly friends?

I wish I could tell you I found out. But, unfortunately, Tom didn’t act out any flashbacks showing how this alliance formed. Nope. Once all the bad monsters lay dead on the coffee shop patio, Tom would walk back to where his mother sat and start the whole scene over…and over…and over. I was impressed by how little variation took place in his reenactments, but after about the third time through, I found myself rooting for the bad monsters.

But, that’s okay. Tom’s not here to teach us the craft of good storytelling (remember that part about him being four). He’s here to teach us how to pretend. Scratch that. He’s here to teach us how to pretend intensely.

Tom is able to pretend intensely because he doesn’t give a shit that I’m not impressed with his storytelling. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks (He doesn’t even care he might injure some innocent bystander just trying to get caffeinated). Tom is having too much fun. Tom is so good at not giving a shit it’s become like a super power. It allows him to be standing next to his mother and her boring friends one moment and standing shoulder to shoulder with his monster partner the next as they take on a squad of bad monsters. Tom is the walker of worlds.

This might have been a superpower we all possessed at one time but we traded it for the concern of what others might think of us. How sad is that?

Stephen King’s first rule of writing is to write for yourself. Whether you’re a fan of King or not, you have to admit it seems to have worked out for him.

So, the next time you’re writing. Stop writing, start pretending on the page, pretend intensely. Fill your work with passion and fun. Be like Tom the Destroyer of Monsters and don’t give a shit what others think. Jump into your world with both feet. Canon Baaaall!

AFT-shadowing, using stuff as character development.

There’s an old story-telling maxim called Chekhov’s Gun that goes if you show a gun on the mantle someone better get shot with it shortly after. This is as good as any maxim and also known as foreshadowing.

Nope, not what I meant by Chekhov's gun.

But, why let the object just hint at what’s to come. Why not let an object tell you about a person’s past and/or character. I call this aft-shadowing, and I’ll explain how it works.

Humans have all sorts of weird tendencies. One of the many is to personalize or even personify objects. We name our cars and other important objects in our lives. We personalize to an excessive amount, and we often don’t give a thought to what this says about us.

If you have this truck you should think about it. Think hard.

Imagine for a moment that you met a young lady who drove a pink Mercedes with a personalized license plat that read “PRINCESS”. You might make assumptions about this young lady and even her past.

If you met a 40 year old man who drove the same car, you might also fill in some of this person’s personal history and lifestyle choices.

Another weird tendency of humans is that they jump to conclusions.

We can take advantage of this tendency to judge and use it like a dirty little trick in our writing.

Quentin Tarantino is one of the masters of this story telling technique.

Who can forget the yellow and pink eyesore from the first Kill Bill that was the Pussy-Wagon?

Any young ladies want to hang out with the man who drives this truck? Me either. We’ve both made assumptions based on an artifact. In this case a very poorly named truck.

Tarantino goes on to use this truck for a bit of humor when his protagonist has to drive this truck. Genius.

This artifact technique can also be used to establish characters who aren’t even in the story. 

Recently, the girlfriend and I were watching The Bling Ring. There’s a scene in which some young people break into Paris Hilton’s house. We see that Ms. Hilton (at least the film version) has her face on multiple pillows.

Even though Ms. Hilton never appears in the film, we all diagnose her with the same thing, clinical narcissism.

Whether we need to do some character development for a character who is not present or we just want to develop a character quickly, this is a great tool and we should use it.

The great thing about aft-shadowing is you let the reader make their own judgments about a character. This is what a great story does. It makes the reader a part of it.

Dance like nobody is watching, because no one’s watching.

There’s a lot of advice out there on the inter-webs about how to go about becoming a successful writer. Much of this is just common sense. (A writer should write.) Umm, okay. Much of this advice is eye-rolling nonsense. One of the things that make my eyes spin uncontrollably is when these “writing teachers” tell would-be writers to always consider their audience before writing a novel.

Here’s the thing. If you aren’t already a successful author you don’t have an audience. No one is watching you. You have the opportunity to cut loose. You can dance (flail around, twerk it, whatever) like no one is watching, because no one is, not yet anyway. Gasp! You can dare to bring something into the world that YOU want to exist. You can create a world from scratch. You don’t have to paint by the numbers and move around tired, olde troupe characters like elves and dwarves or even dragons.

Unless you really want to. Then by all means go for it. They can even team up and go on a quest. Don’t forget to pick up the chosen one. (I hear he’s working on a farm with his mysterious uncle).

The point I’m trying to make person-who-wants-to-be-a-writer is to write what you want to write because at this point no one cares. If this is your first, second, or even third novel it’s probably all practice anyway (I’m aware of counter examples).

So, don’t let anyone tell you what to write or even in what style. No one really knows what people want to read or what’s going to take off and become a mega-hit, but I’m going to guess the next big thing won’t be a cookie cutter novel. Don’t be in a hurry to follow tradition. Throw off the yoke of the past and make your own way, because no one is any less lost than you.

Read the first hundred pages of Black Redneck vs Space Zombies for free.

Here's the first 100 pages of my book. So give it a try and see if you like it.

Free Kindle Story

My story the Obscurantist is up and free on Amazon for a few more days, so please give it a download.

Did I mention it was free.

Thanks again for all the support.

www.professional-liar.com

Hello my fine reading friends,

Be sure to check out my website.

There's a free story there. It's even illustrated. Did I mention it was free.

http://www.professional-liar.com/stories.html

To the left there you can see an image from the story. The story is about a young man who lives in a junkyard and makes sculptures out of coke cans...WITH HIS MIND! 

When the junkyard is about to go out of business and him and his dog will be homeless, he has to take drastic action and prove to the world he exist.

Go check out the story and see what happens.

I might have mentioned this but it's free.

If you like it, don't forget that I sell stuff as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Redneck-Zombies-Adventure-ebook/dp/B00EEJ3KDC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376267542&sr=1-1

Please let me know what you think of the story.

Novel for sale.

Black Redneck vs Space Zombies

Hello my fine reading friends,

I uploaded my first novel to Amazon yesterday, and I'm quite anxious to see how it's going to do.

I've built it, now I'm waiting to see if they come.

Not too many people know the book is out in the world yet, and people don't purchase things that they don't know exist, so I'm considering a couple of options to get the word out.

One, a GoodReads ad. This makes sense to me as this will reach people that actually read.

I already have a Facebook page for the novel and may try an ad there as well. However, I have a feeling it will be easy to get people to "Like" it but it will be harder to sell books on Facebook. People are there stalking their ex's and don't want to be interrupted with my novel.

If you have a chance give Amazon $2.99 and give the book a read. It's a lot of fun, and, if you don't buy it, it's like you're trying to make the world a worse place. Just kidding, but give it a try.

Here's the Amazon link:

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Redneck-Zombies-Adventure-ebook/dp/B00EEJ3KDC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376151411&sr=8-1&keywords=black+redneck+vs+space+zombies